twankharder

Apparently we'll never grow out of twank.

Sometimes They Come Back, DLC Edition

So. It didn’t look like we were going to twank Daddy’s Little Cannibal, for a couple of reasons. Namely, as Cheesemonger #1 said, That fucking [redacted] spit on the memory of everyone who ever lost a loved one. NFW are we going to give her more attention.

And since there wasn’t any doubt left that she’d faked it, her coming back with this ridiculous Heidipology two years later wasn’t news to anyone.

Finally, even Cheesemonger the Elder thought her importance was being exaggerated. (Mostly by DLC herself.) I never even heard of her until she was on Fandom Wank for committing pseuicide. And I just looked at one of her stories and it’s a mess.

Your point, Yoda?

Her profile update is, however, a gold mine of entitlement. You’d almost think she’d compiled all the self-important memes from all the biggest egos in fandom and put them together for lulz.

So, what the hell. For anyone who was confused by her Final Goodbye, we’ve provided a summary with accompanying translation below. And if you don’t belong to the gazebo and are feeling stifled by the sudden resurgence of “no personal attacks” at ADF, wank all you want in the comments.

Snowflake-to-Layfan Translation:

1. I was tired of writing for fanfiction, I wanted to work on my own characters (which, I have sold several stories since I’ve left here and currently in the process of working on my novel, yea, I’m a real author now who has work published and gets paid for it)

Translation: “I have some short stories and poems published in magazines you never heard of even though I can’t write two sentences without some obvious error. I am the teacher and you are the students.”

2. And I may not have deserved it, but I earned it. I earned it because I have potential, because I have a passion and a talent for writing and people can see that when I write.

Translation: “A Farewell to Arms, by Hemingway. Good stuff. That’s what I write,” [s]he says, putting it back. “That’s what I write.”

3. You made me one of the most popular fan fiction authors, ever and you let me try so many new things with my writing and you never stopped cheering me on.

(Except when they were sending her death threats, of course). Translation: “I got lots of reviews to “OMG RITE MOAR” and all my friends said I was the best writer they ever knew. So did my mom before she died. (My mom dying is the reason I acted like a douche btw. Plus it was two years ago and I was young then. I’m an adult now.) Tell everyone I’m the most popular fanfic author ever, in case they didn’t know.”

4. I deleted the e-mail to my account, this is the first time I’ve even logged on fanfiction since it happened, I haven’t even read any of the reviews after it happened…I’m an adult now. I’m 20, going to school, going to work, chilling with my friends, dropping acid and eating shrooms, smoking pot, and living my life the way I want it without fan fiction…With all of this said, I ask that you guys leave me the fuck alone!…I’m a good person. I’ve grown up so much these past two years and I’ve grown up as a writer…Please, don’t get me wrong, I loved this experience, but I’ve moved on. This is my final goodbye.

Translation: “I can’t even explain to you in words (because I have such writing potential) how much I don’t care, but since I’m waiting on a monster upload for my dealer to show up since I’M AN ADULT, I think I’ll just post this 994-word update (997 if you count signing my name at the end; now count them again like a good little freakshow) to my profile that you can’t reply to because I know I won’t be able to keep up with the comments that’ll drive you batshit. I’m doing this just to show you how much I’ve moved on. I. Have. Moved. On. See how much I’ve moved on? I apologize for everything I did, except not really because you all deserved it and I’m a good person (like I give to charity and stuff). Them Now go fuck yourselves.”

5. Keep an ear and eye out for me because I’m out there in the writing world. I really am. You will hear my name again, it may not be Daddy’s Little Cannibal, but you will hear of me again, I promise.

Translation: “You’ll see. You’ll all see.”

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39 responses to “Sometimes They Come Back, DLC Edition

  1. ikss April 5, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    Bahaha! When I was alerted to this complete and utter bullshit yesterday, my first response was to wonder aloud what Twankharder was gonna have to say about it.

    Thank you for being one of the few things in life which does not disappoint me.

    • twankharder April 5, 2011 at 7:14 pm

      Nothing is certain but death taxes and Twankharder.

      • what the hell ever April 6, 2011 at 9:46 am

        My thought exactly!! ^^ about what you guys would say! that’s the first thing i thought too…lol. i felt very angry at first at the whole thing ..this is awful. people sending her death threats made her fake her own death to tell some of them that someone might have been successful in their endeavour. Ok. whatever.and now she’s resurrecting herself to let the peeps know what? that she’s an adult who does drugs amongst other things. hmm…does anyone care? NO! plus she throws that thing about her mom’s passing. truth or lies it’s just meant to have ppl view her more charitably. what in the world is she trying to achieve here? i just dont understand people…or adults anymore. *shakes head*

      • JaspersDestiny April 6, 2011 at 11:20 pm

        You saying you’re going to be around foreveh? That’s lofty. But I’ll drink my mint julip at 90 and still enjoy every post.

    • Luca (@SharkJumper) April 18, 2012 at 9:07 pm

      THIS IS COMEDY!!!!! i’m laughing my head off!!!!! i don’t know who is dlc, i don’t care to read her work, the self importance is hilarious, i’m not interested in figuring out whether she’s published or publishing under a different name, her message surely doesn’t make me wanna do it, the girl is ridiculously deluded… maybe she should lay off the shrooms for a while? :))))))))

  2. Anonymous April 5, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    Can someone please tell me her real name so I can do some stalking to find out what exactly she has “published” before? Since, obviously, she’s such a big deal.

    • :) April 6, 2011 at 1:43 am

      Her first name is listed in that note from bronzehairgirl. All you need to do is google that with Daddy’s Little Cannibal (and seriously, what the fuck kind of penname is DLC anyway?). You’ll find her name. I did. It’s so common I can’t figure out what she’s “written” though.

    • mousie April 6, 2011 at 4:48 am

      her real name is easy enough to find. they did it two years ago.

    • Kwi April 6, 2011 at 8:51 pm

      Stalking? Really? Publish her RL name online? You don’t see that maybe that’s the kind of behaviour that lands people on this site? Come on. It takes all the sense out of shaming someone for their bad behaviour if you then turn around and do it yourself.

    • Anonymous April 7, 2011 at 1:29 pm

      Okay I found her and the work she’s published. Let me tell you she’s big time. Especially her work in that grandmother story anthology she’s printed in. Her bio says shes also won a bunch of online contests, though it doesnt memtion whoch ones. $100 some of those are twilight fic contests like the indie awards or something.

      Also I found that she’s majoring in psychology. Oh the irony.

  3. Halawia April 5, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    THANK FUCKING GOD! I was waiting for this shit. teehee to the no personal attacks comment. srsly. People have a right to rage. Especially when stupid cunts like this go around doing stupid shit and basically making HUGE cunts out of themselves. Three times esentially. Like… oh, I’m dead. wait, she’s not? HAI GUYS… I’m not really dead… here’s a list of bullshit excuses. My mom died… I’m a real author now… I’m dropping my acid and doing shroom and… basically just being a grown up.

    The fucking bitch needs to stfu. She should have stayed gone. Honestly… I’ve been in this fandom a long time. I’ve seen a lot of wanks, but this… by far takes the cake. If she didn’t want the bullshit drama… she easily could have just pulled her shit. No, she did something vile and downright disgusting. She hurt people.

    And what gets me the MOST… more than anything else, was the bullshit lie about how she died. A drunk driver killed her? Fuck this girl, I swear. Hey… daddy’s little fucking nutjob… there are people out there who really HAVE lost someone to drunk driving. Someone that can’t ever pop up and go, sorry guys… i was just messing around. I’m not really dead. Those people are gone forever. And you just… tarnished something that’s real and tragic.

    please go diaf

    • anonymous April 7, 2011 at 3:53 am

      All of this. There are few things that could make me rage this hard. It wasn’t bad enough that she pretended she’d died in the first place, but she had to pick the most dramatic way she could think of. A way that she knew would result in a flood of sympathy. I just can’t explain the rage I felt when I found out it wasn’t true.

  4. oh jeebus April 5, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    I had never even heard about her before yesterday, but this gave me a quite a few laughs. Your translations are priceless.

    ‘You’ll see. You’ll all see.” Yep, I’m *very* sure we will. Lol.

  5. Pullmyfinger April 5, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    God, I love this site. Now if we could only twank authors just for being regular douches.

  6. Anon E Mouse April 5, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    What is it about the Twilight fandom and Twilight fanfiction that brings out the head-cases?

    • JaspersDestiny April 6, 2011 at 11:18 pm

      *snickers* There are head-cases in every fandom. Hell, I probably live next to a head-case.

      Fuck, I probably AM a head-case myself.

      Head-cases make the world go round. Some are just pathetic, though. I just grin and thank my lucky stars I’m considered a “normal” head-case.

  7. Is that cheese? April 5, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    I’m always on here bitching about one thing or another, but this girl’s egotism enrages me like nothing else. Her mother is probably just as undead as she is, or if she is dead, she died from the shame of spawning such a moron. In fandom there is NEVER a good excuse for faking one’s death.

    • anonymous April 7, 2011 at 4:00 am

      I was thinking that same thing myself. She wasn’t afraid to use us and pretend she herself had died. What would stop her from tossing out that her mother had died? It takes even less effort to do that, right? At first I thought it wasn’t fair to accuse someone of lying about that, then I rememberd just who we’re dealing with.

  8. what the hell ever April 6, 2011 at 9:52 am

    oh god what a colossal head case. just read that link with the eulogy and shit. you fucking nutter. she played with people’s emotions. Folks actually have lost loved ones and they will never ever come back. it was just better if she had played dead. FOREVER.

  9. Paula April 6, 2011 at 10:27 am

    Seriously…I am..SHOCKED. There’s no name for what this bitch did. I consider this an act of a PSYCHOPATH. Yes. FAKING HER OWN DEATH? Only a monster do a thing like this.
    This bitch is good in writing SMUT, only. I have read some of her fics, and this is her ONLY talent in writing: SMUT. And I remember when I read that she had died in an car accident. I was sad that such a young girls have died this way. And now I discover that this bitch is ALIVE???
    And she says that she is happy smoking pot with her friends? And that she was only a child? With 18? Sorry, you were NOT a child, you are just a nasty, selfish CUNT! Go to hell!!!

    • anonymous April 7, 2011 at 3:32 am

      One trait of a sociopath is that they can’t feel empathy for others. She said she had no idea what kind of reaction she’d get. She probably thought everyone would just say “Oh, how sad” and then close the browser and move on. Because that’s what she would do?

  10. Alby Mangroves April 6, 2011 at 10:27 am

    Dear Adult and Real Writer Who Has Moved On,

    May you wake up one day in your 40s, suddenly remember that you once wrote an Unapology and find it here, waiting for you. I hope that when you rediscover what a total wanker you once were, you feel as much embarrassment as I feel on your behalf right now. Please disappear completely and never feel the need to pop up and tell us how much you’ve moved on ever again.

    Keep on shrooming, you absolute waste.
    Signed, I Want The Last Five Minutes Of My Life Back

  11. Paula April 6, 2011 at 10:28 am

    This fandom, I will never stop saying this, Twilight fandom are composed by the scum of this world, is just disgusting.

  12. yowzahs April 6, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    Bronzehairedgirl620- who knew this was all a hoax- posted a Eulogy…A EULOGY!! [snort]

    “Someone requested that I write a eulogy and post it on Stephanie’s account. After giving it some thought, I decided that I would post one, just because it really does seem like she made an impact in people’s lives on here and her stories seem empty without some author note telling them about her death.

    “We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever. the goal is to create something that will.”
    -Chuck Palahniuk, one of Stephanie’s favorite authors.

    I had no intention to write a eulogy or to post it on Stephanie’s fanfiction account. I didn’t think that anyone would care about her death beyond an “I’m sorry” or “everyone has to die eventually.” But I’m glad to say that I was wrong. The support for Stephanie’s death has been over whelming. I don’t think anyone, especially Stephanie, expected her to make this big of an impact on so many people’s lives.

    It’s weird that I’m writing a eulogy on fanfiction. Like I said earlier, I had no intention to tell anyone about Stephanie’s death beyond Lindsey’s (I think her screen name is Bronze something) author note. We’re actually lucky that Stephanie has the same password that she’s had since fifth grade or else I wouldn’t have been able to hack into her account. XD

    If there was any doubt in anyone’s mind, Stephanie really did love fanfiction. She used to come to me in random moments and squeal about a good review and then quote it for me. When she got a bad review, she would cry and I’ll be honest, I couldn’t understand why, she just couldn’t handle it. But she never gave up; she never even mentioned giving up. She knew that she would have to leave fanfiction again (she had an account previous to this account, but she wasn’t as dedicated to it as she was this) but, to her, that was years from now.

    I had never seen anyone have such raw talent for writing and a passion to match it. It is no secret that she has grown as a writer (especially her grammar) and I’m sure that she would have, with dedication and practice, become a bestselling author- if that’s the career she chose to follow.

    Stephanie was an amazing person. She went through a lot in her short life, more than most people go through in a long life. That’s one of the reasons that made her amazing. She apologized for the bad choices she made, she learned from her mistakes, and she never gave up. She was a strong person that fought and worked for everything she got. I had never seen her excited about something that wasn’t illegal till she found writing and I want to thank everyone that encouraged her to write, because your encouragement helped her deal with her demons.

    Stephanie was always imaginative. When we were little she was the one that told us how we were to play pretend. I cannot tell you how many times we locked her up in our shed where she was supposedly murdered before someone could save her- that made a lot of people mad, especially our friend’s parents, because the neighbor kids would get angry or cry.

    What you see in her stories is what you would see in her if you knew her. She was extremely funny, extremely happy, and loving. She was the type of person that would welcome anyone and everyone into her life with open arms. I cannot tell you how many times she would leave the house at six in the morning to drive three hours away to pick up someone that was drunk and couldn’t find a ride home or to comfort someone that needed someone to talk to, even if it was as small as their cat died. She put people before her and was genuine about it. She didn’t expect things back; she didn’t want things back, which is rare.

    I wish that you could’ve met her. She was genuinely an amazing person. She went through a lot, but that only made her stronger and more amazing. I’m sure I can speak for all when I say that we will miss her and that she is in a better place where she can, hopefully, meet Kurt Cobain, the man that she has admired and looked up to since she was little.

    “When other little girls wanted to be ballerinas, I wanted to be Jeffry Dahmer.”
    -Stephanie (Daddy’s Little Cannibal)

    Lindsey (Bronzehairedgirl620) has agreed to write a eulogy for Stephanie. Expect to see that within the next few days. I have asked for the obituary and any information on the funeral not be mentioned for privacy reasons. I realize that you do care about her, but this is the internet and not everyone is as nice as they may seem. Again, thank you for all the support you have given my family, I deeply appreciate it. I have written a one-shot, on request, on my personal fanfiction account called Close Call, if you would like to read it, my penname is kikyoskiller and I am on Stephanie’s favorite author list.

    Unfortunately, I do not have the password to Stephanie’s e-mail (there’s a cute story behind that). So I cannot reply back to any PMs that you send, if you would like to send me a PM, please send it through my own account. Again, thank you for all the amazing support.

    Rest in Peace, Stephanie.”

    • starryday April 7, 2011 at 3:59 am

      XD –> What every eulogy needs!!

    • Anonymous April 7, 2011 at 3:59 am

      I think “her sister” supposedly wrote that eulogy. She mentions Bronzehairedgirl in it.

      I bet Stephanie herself wrote it. Who the hell else would put so much effort into a fake obituary for a fanfic writer?

      Then again, it’s better written than her author’s note, AND she’s had two years to get better at writing, so maybe.

    • what the hell ever April 7, 2011 at 8:42 pm

      “The support for Stephanie’s death has been over whelming” W.T.F? were we cheer leaders leading with a death chant? what the fuck is she talking about – SUPPORT??????

      “She knew that she would have to leave fanfiction again (she had an account previous to this account, but she wasn’t as dedicated to it as she was this) but, to her, that was years from now.” – Serial Death Faker??

  13. Anonymous April 6, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    Geez…peeps faking their death, HunterHunting refusing to write and stomping her foot because peeps shared a story. What is the world coming to?

    {goes back to reading about the middle East and Japan}

    • Anonymouse April 7, 2011 at 11:01 pm

      I hadn’t heard about Hunter Hunting so I just looked it up on her blog. How long do we reckon before the big announcement is made about CW&IA being published?

      My favourite part of that blog post:

      “I’m sure you can imagine how frustrating that would be, particularly when there was a copyright at the beginning of every chapter that had to be removed, or ignored, for the person to post it elsewhere. Seriously. Have a little respect.”

      Well, they were free to do that, since that neat little copyright notice was meaningless. How many times does this need explaining to people?

  14. Anonymous April 7, 2011 at 4:09 am

    I admit I’m a cynic, but then we can’t really believe a word she says anyway, so what I’m wondering is how she could possibly have been bullied quite so much. There was this author once who kept mentioning in author’s notes now grateful she was for all the PMs and so on. She was only getting about 8 reviews per chapter. I asked a couple people who have really high review counts and they said it’s rare to get PMs. Maybe one every couple of weeks.

    So when I read that my first thought was that she was trying to sound more popular than she was. And going along with that, how likely is it that even now she was getting so many hate messages (even though she claims she deleted the email they’d have gone to) that she had to come back?

    I feel like she did this to get more attention. Like in that last post when the author maybe only pulled because she wanted to make herself look desirable? I just can’t believe that she really never checked her account for two years, came back and left this message, and isn’t reading this blog and anywhere else the thing was discussed.

  15. ikss April 7, 2011 at 4:13 am

    So apparently what none of us are getting is the fact that this chick is obviously still around – we just now know her as some other nickname. And we probably read her/his stories and fare among her/his 900 followers on Twitter. Maybe we even hang out at her/his LJ community where we think she’s/he’s really funny and smart with the snark and she/he goes out on a limb, calling other authors out on their b.s. and we just think that’s totally boss.

    Or, you know – something like that.

    DLC made this pseudo apology only to stir shit. Why do that if you’re not around to watch the fur fly? She’s around and she’s loving that we’re all still talking about her bullshit.

    • ikss April 7, 2011 at 4:17 am

      “are” not “fare”

      I’m a writer, not a typist. 😉

    • stitchcat April 7, 2011 at 8:09 pm

      That is the most depressing thought. I haven’t read any of her DLC stuff so I have no idea whether she’s any good or not. The Lazarus act is shitty, but to think she’s still hanging around being a “friend”? Urgh.

  16. Anonymous April 9, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    Wow…that’s just really, really, fucked up AND she sounds like a moron – honestly who BRAGS about dropping acid and eating shrooms??? It doesn’t make you sound cool; it makes you sound like a juvenile snotty brat, which apparently you are in fact. FAKING your death?! Way to smack those who have lost people due to drunk drivers in the face. Have fun enjoying those flashbacks to your acid trips when you are 50. Maybe if you laid off the drugs you’d be able to write a coherent sentence and sound intelligent. Grow up.

  17. Anonymous April 9, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    BTW: TWANK ALERT!!

    http://hunterhunting-hh.blogspot.com/2011/04/wtf-is-goin-on.html#comments

    *sniffles* someone spread around my Twilight fan fiction and it has a copyright on it!!! waaahhhh.

  18. Anon of Course April 27, 2011 at 3:40 am

    Ok… someone want to explain to me what the purpose of her returning 2yrs later was? I mean really, what was the point?

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